Tinder: How To Ignite The Conversation

[Re the title, I refuse to apologise for my puns]

Part 1 here

I’ve been convinced to join Tinder, and it’s become a fun little game. As someone who complements creative manipulation of the written word with a love of rules and statistics, I have my set process: Are they attractive? If ‘no’, swipe left, ‘yes’, check their bio for sufficient interesting chat and then decide, or ‘massively’, swipe right (though in reality I read their bios anyway in case their personality matches their great looks and I can be disappointed when we don’t match). There are a few further rules – smokers are a no, excessive pouting rules you out and capitalising Random Words in a Sentence is an Unpardonable sin, but basically, that’s my game. Stick to the rules, debate long and hard on their qualities and finally make my judgements.

Putting so much consideration into each potential match has strange effects. Any swipes right that don’t result in an instant ‘It’s a match!’ bring a twinge of disappointment and maybe even betrayal – how could she not say yes to me? – while matches that do pop up suddenly bring pressure – I took the time to handpick her, and now I have to impress her. Plenty of my opening lines fall flat. I remember panicking after seeing ‘say something more interesting than hi’ on a girl’s profile for the first time, having used the scorned greeting on several occasions already. Was that an unwritten rule I’d been breaking?

More imaginative openers soon followed, and a few favourites emerged. It helped if their bios or photos lent themselves to an interesting topic, though I quickly realised that almost every girl in the country has posed with a drugged tiger. I began to wonder if the tiger hadn’t done a tour of the UK just to make the acquisition of the seemingly-essential photo easier…

If nothing instantly jumped out, I had a fallback,
“Just to check, you do believe in true love, right?”

What a line! Funny, quirky, and subtly implies that I’m clearly a nice, romantic guy who won’t instantly request that you take your top off. Worked a charm on several occasions and got ignored on several more. After a little while, when conversations had gone beyond the first few sarcastic remarks and flirty jokes, I came to realise an important truth that would take all the stress out of the opening line conundrum:


[Note: I’m not sorry at all for stopping here. Who doesn’t love a cliffhanger?]


10 thoughts on “Tinder: How To Ignite The Conversation

  1. Hahaha omg..this is had me laughing all the way through. Especially at the capital letters sentence. Haha. Tinder is how I met my boyfriend of over a year now.. crazy shit can happen. And by crazy shit, I mean love! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Rachelle! It may Not seem like Much But it can Really Get on your Nerves! *shudders*
      So true, out of humble beginnings can grow great things 🙂 Very happy for you two for making a mockery of Tinder’s reputation!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha Can it Really? 🙂 A friend of mine, whether it’s a Facebook post or even a text message, capitalizes the firbst letter of literally every word. No one knows why he does it. But ya, shudders for days.
        And very true, thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m sure he’s a lovely guy, but I’d honestly consider either getting him treatment or cutting him out of my life… 😛 seems you’ve been trawling my blog today, thanks for all the activity!


              • I loved the stories. I love your imagination. But I also really liked when you were just writing about your life, like the tinder posts. The honesty in them is real and hilarious. I tend to gravitate towards nonfiction in general, not sure why. But your writing has me liking both. I’d say keep up the variety, haha.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Thanks so much! It was the nonfiction I wasn’t too sure about as it’s not something I’ve done before (besides angsty teenage diaries and they’re so dramatic they’re virtually fiction anyway) so thanks for your encouragement 🙂


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