Hot Stuff? No Thanks

[This is a real problem I deal with on a daily basis. I’d like to dedicate this piece to anyone else out there who’s suffering with this discrimination.]

In these modern times
of multi-tasking convenience
it’s only right to combine
purposes for a meeting.

A lunch must be working,
a break calls for coffee,
pop round for a chat
and a tea’s in the offing.

Think then of the plight
of one, like this writer,
who between tea and coffee
would rather have neither.

Hosts seem offended,
strangers disapprove
“If he doesn’t like hot drinks
just have him removed!”

Is it such a big crime
I’ll have water or juice,
assuming the latter
I even can choose?

“I’m just not prepared,
I thought you’d want one!”
It’s not a big deal,
that’s not why I’ve come.

The meeting or chat
is the reason I’m here,
if you can’t offer drinks
I don’t care, so don’t fear

While my uncommon tastes
may single me out
I’m glad of this fact:
my dependency’s nowt

I’ve never run gasping
into any room
requiring caffeine
like the alternative’s doom

So while addicts submit
to their chai latte owners
I’ll shun all advances and remain as a loner.


6 thoughts on “Hot Stuff? No Thanks

  1. No coffee, Jake? Can’t live without my Starbucks Dark Magic! Coffee is good for you too, despite all the debating. I go though this with food, because my diet is so different, but with how huge coffee is in our culture, I’ll bet you do get tired of turning it down. Cute piece! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • See you can’t even believe it, Kelly! I don’t actually know about the health side of it – anything besides what I’d otherwise get from dark chocolate? – but I’m sure caffeine addiction can’t be all good. I’ve often been one to pick up or drop something from its being labelled the latest superfood, but hot drinks have become a matter of principle now 😛 thanks, glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this poem, especially the fourth stanza, which feels exactly like something that Spike Milligan (the late, great God of funny) may have written.

    I empathise with your plight. I’m a coffee drinker, but it has to be good quallity and fresh. So everyone knows I’m a coffee drinker. If they offer me coffee I have to decline if I can’t see evidence of the real thing. I hate instant coffee; it makes me feel sick, and most people’s tea has almost the same effect, particularly if it has full cream milk in it. But rather than offend anyone I’ll drink what they offer me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi praise indeed! Thanks a million 🙂 I have had tea out of politeness on a couple of occasions, where people have assumed I’ll have some and already made it! And coffee once on a train because I was in first class and it was free.. but I imagine that wasn’t the best quality coffee…


  3. I also don’t like coffee or tea. I’m not sure whether THAT makes people’s heads spin the most, or the fact that I also don’t like Pepsi or Coke. I swear, they think I’m breaking down society’s roots, one at a time, laughing because I like the cracking sound.

    Good to know I’m not alone. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I rarely drink Pepsi or Coke, except after sports tournaments when I enjoy the feeling of being unhealthy 😛 but yeah, people do seem to think my drinks preferences are malicious! Here’s to us, and anyone else politely refusing all their host has to offer 🙂


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