Don’t Waste It

[I listened to some rap, thought about some other music and wrote a song. Shout out to the diverse influences of Lethal Bizzle, Lonely Island and Electric Six]

Get a chance better grab it
We’re chasing dreams: white rabbit
Blink once and you’ll miss us
Blink twice we’ll be off with your missus
Live fast die famous
Mess up but stay blameless
You can’t touch us: Hammer
We’re messing up works: spanner

I only write when I want to
It’s a right then a left it’s a one-two
I’ll knock you out cold, you be falling
That’s what you get if you’re coming cold calling
I don’t get sold to, I’m a buyer
I’ll tell you what I want it’s my desire
They want to know why I keep starting fires
High voltage lifestyle: live wires
I don’t care if you want to be me
Just don’t stare every time you see me

Take my advice: live your own way
It doesn’t ever matter what they all say
Proved wrong when they said I couldn’t make it
It’s my song I ain’t ever got to fake it
It’s not long but the message lasts forever:
We stay strong ’cause we always stay together.

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Tinder: The Burning Truth

[Ha ha ha ha more puns]

–Parts One and Two

Having started Tinder as a bit of a joke and then got far too invested in it as soon as I started considering my decisions, it was nice to realise something that toned my stress levels right back down: people worth talking to will reply to almost anything.

In my case at least, I believe this to be true. If someone’s not open enough to the possibilities, not willing to take a chance on talking to a total stranger, caught up in some ‘I’m here to be impressed’ mentality, then I’m not all that keen to talk to them anyway. The people I want to talk to are open, friendly, and looking to chat just like I am. As such, they’ll reply.

By ‘almost anything’, obviously there are certain things I’m not going to say. I get a lot of joy on Tinder by not being creepy, so suddenly deciding that ‘what are you wearing?’ will draw replies is not going to work. But I’d go as far as to say that ‘hi”, while it should be avoided if possible and followed up with some very good subsequent messages, shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Better to say something and get the conversation flowing than stew in silence regretting missed opportunities. My most successful Tinder conversation had the good fortune to start with a discussion of her unusual name, but there have been plenty of good ones that started with…

*checks phone*
Oh well this is awkward…

So it turns out all my lasting conversations have come from unusual openers, from pet dragons to life-guarding skills (twice) to a (totally meta) discussion about openers.
This article is not turning out how I expected!
I’ll try again…

I guess a more applicable point is that you can be a bit random, as long as it elicits a response – just find something to comment on, or ask. One of the aforementioned women was wearing a generic Newquay lifeguard top, but my message allowed me to question her qualifications and mention having lived in Cornwall and as such got the conversation going.

I’m rapidly losing the ‘golden thread’ (I might make inane scraps of corporate jargon a regular feature in this blog, signified by highly sarcastic scare quotes of course (thoughts on this new feature?)) of this post but hopefully will distract you, lovely readers, from that fact with interesting asides (see interesting aside [insert interesting aside]). If you’re still reading, well thanks. A few closing thoughts on Tinder:

It’s pretty versatile. You can use it for ‘overnight’ dates, as a game, to chat to people, or even just to get restaurant recommendations in a new city (I will confess to doing this when losing interest in someone but still respecting their food establishment judgement).
Girls will generally talk to you and be nice. I can’t speak for the guys. Their definition of ‘nice’ may include invitations to overnight dates. Be warned – these are not slumber parties.
Having your mum in your photo with you will make more girls talk to you. I can swear to the validity of this claim. It makes you look like a nice guy. Helps if your mum is a bit shorter as well – makes you look tall. Thanks mum!

And that’s about that.