Why Cynicism is Important

Why Cynicism is Important
I mean, it’s not really, is it. Let’s be honest, as much as a ‘healthy dose’ of it is lauded for its magical properties, the truth of the matter is that being cynical about the reality of the cold, cruel world still doesn’t help you survive its inevitable dreariness. And then you die anyway.

Why Optimism is Important ūüôā
People have plenty of different outlooks on life (which is great because diversity is super important) but natural selection will eventually ensure that the best way to think about life – optimistically – proliferates. Studies will surely soon prove beyond doubt that believing things will turn out well has a positive impact on the actors concerned, such that it is more likely – if not certain (I reckon it’s certain, and that you’ll agree!) – to lead to a better outcome.

Why Humour is Important

The benefits of humour have been studied and proven ‘scientifically’, through the art of ‘experimentation’. Some of these findings are shown in Table 1 below:

Ingredient                                        Quantity
onions, peeled and chopped           2 medium
olive oil                                               1tbsp
garlic, peeled and crushed               1 clove
lean minced beef                               500g
mushrooms, sliced                             90g
dried oregano or mixed herbs         1tsp
tomatoes or chopped tomatoes      400g
hot beef stock                                     300ml
Table 1: Humour Benefits Findings

This study fails to mention another key purpose of humour: exercise. Laughing works core muscles in the abdomen and keeps people fit and/or healthy. It should therefore come as no surprise that many famous comedians are overweight. Persistent exposure to comedy leaves these ‘professionals’ desensitised to jokes, such that they engage in laughter or laughterous activities less often. In addition, the sellout crowds they draw to stadia across the globe provide ample dolla with which to stuff their greedy faces.

Why Writing is Important
What do you think?
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Healing

For Binks and Magic, who have great people around them.

*

It stings at first, like antiseptic clearing cuts
burns as scabs will, knitting us together
and aches the ache of muscles pulled apart
with perspiration to come back bigger, stronger
Our hearts must exercise as any other muscle.

Births are painful for a reason
Only from ashes do phoenix rise
Spring follows the bleakest season
and we know pain throughout our lives

The consolation’s simple: equilibrium
Happiness soon to return as you are due your turn
Tears: life grows where they fall in the desert of desolation
and their sparkle catches the eye of a new hope
one with the sense to see all you are worth

We learn to fly by falling
We laugh just as we cry
Rejection stings like healing
to tell us we’ll survive

*

The Old and the New

How could you? I loved you. No more, but once.

Behind every great man is a great woman. Well I was there to make you great, support you, and now this. Our final show, before she takes my place on stage alongside you. The younger, perkier, skinnier me.

Fine.

How well I’ve handled it, you purr. To accept our marriage is over, that’s she’s now your one and only. To go along with your lie to the press – I’m happily retiring to pursue my other interests and am sure your new assistant will do a wonderful job. To maintain the loving fa√ßade that keeps your image intact while you flaunt her in front of me.

Fine.

It’s a fitting handover trick: the Zig Zag Girl. Cutting the girl in three like you cut through my heart. In anticipation of your new tour with your new assistant, you’ve bought a wider, flashier box. I wasn’t meant to know but walked in on you two practising. Sierra doesn’t like the old box, you explain. It’s too cramped. You and I haven’t used it in years, but in my peak I could fit in it just fine. Maybe she’s not that skinny after all.

Of course she should do the trick with you! It’s a great symbol of the changing of the guard, the passing of the mantle, as I assist while she performs. She can certainly perform, judging by the theatrics I heard from your adjacent hotel room.

I digress.

The bright lights, the eager crowd, still such a buzz. I can’t believe you’re taking this away from me.

One last trick…

For old time’s sake, I convince you to use the faded, narrow box I loved so much. You silence Sierra’s complaints to grant me this one last request. You can tell how much that box means to me. It was our first trick together all those years ago.

I hand you the blades as the crowd hushes expectantly. Our hands touch as you take them from me, you give me a small smile and whisper,
“Thank you”
and I know you mean it. I’ve taken this all so well. I turn away and smile as you slide the first blade swiftly into the box. You’re so used to them, after weeks practising with her, that it doesn’t seem odd to use the new blades, just that little bit longer than the old box allows. And she’s not that skinny.